Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
