my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
