i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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