My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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