I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
