Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
