I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
