Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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