Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
