I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize