we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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