Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
