The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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