Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's shark week go big or go home
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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