we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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