East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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