So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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