She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
