I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
