she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
