Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
