Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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