and you said cock pushups were impossible
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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