Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
