i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
