The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
