He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
