I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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