I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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