Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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