pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize