Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
