Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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