it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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