dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
