One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
