his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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