drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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