well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
