well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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