I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
