Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
