On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
