The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
