i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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