He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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