You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I think i got beer on your cat.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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