you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
