i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
