so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
