Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize