She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
