Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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