i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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