So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
