I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
