Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize