Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
