New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
