So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
