Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
