I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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