He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
