Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
When are your genitals available?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
