You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
