Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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