His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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