Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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