Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
