i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize