If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
