And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize