Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
