But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
